For starters, when people ask me how "Married Life" is going, I always tell them two things. 1. The "Married" part is great. 2. The "Life" part is hard. Obviously, right? Well, I will admit that I had this idea in my head that everything was going to work out perfectly and that I would have the perfect apartment, the perfect job, and be the perfect housewife-but boy was I wrong. After an incredible wedding and honeymoon, we drove back up to Provo to our new apartment to find it completely in shambles. There were spiders, bees, and centipedes everywhere, and nothing had been properly cleaned. The door was slightly broken, which leads me to my next story-the next day when I started my new job working in an Autistic preschool. I woke up after spending the night on a deflated blow up mattress with bugs crawling everywhere to get ready for the day, and was for once going to be on time! I was so excited for my new job. Scott had already left for school, and I was just about to leave when I found a worm by our front door. I cleaned it up and went to take it outside, shutting the door behind me so nothing else would crawl in...and that's when the unthinkable happened. I had locked myself out of our new apartment-where my phone and keys were inside-and our landlords lived in SLC-but I had no way to contact anyone. I freaked out and well, broke through the door-breaking it completely. I called Scott bawling my eyes out about how I had broken our door and how now someone was going to break in and steal all of our wedding gifts, and basically just had a meltdown. So there's that. Anyway, after a few months of water leaking everywhere, doors breaking, both toilets shutting down, the dryer burning our clothes and sheets, and calling pest control we finally got settled into our apartment and are now loving it.
In addition to my mental breakdown about our apartment, I had a breakdown about who I was as a person-which is hard for me to admit. There were a lot of complications with my job this summer, and I was left to spend a lot of days completely alone with nothing to do. I was devastated that I had not gotten into Graduate School for my Speech Therapy program, and was unsure of what Heavenly Father had in plan for me. I was MISERABLE, to say the least. I watched everyday as Scott got up to go to school and work, and felt that I was a complete failure. Sure, I could clean the house and run errands and cook a meal, but I felt that I had completely lost my passion for life-which was hard for me. Thankfully, I had wonderful family members and friends who encouraged me to pursue a new job as a Speech and Language Technician, which I was finally able to secure and am now loving it. (More details to come on that in a future post).
I know that to most of you this may not sound like a big trial, but to me, it was. I was truly just lost. I was away from home for the first time in the summer, was living with a man all of the sudden, and was no longer the school-girl that I had been for the majority of my life. As I look back on it all now though, I have started to realize what a blessing this all has turned out to be. I realized that I can work through hard things, and that I don't have to live in the most perfect apartment. I am also realizing that the way my apartment look does not define my "housewife" status, and that not everyone is perfect. I have realized that there is more to life than school, and that I have unknown talents that I am working to strengthen to use to help others. Most importantly though, I have learned two main things: what an INCREDIBLE husband I have, and how much love my Heavenly Father has for me. I don't know all the reasons as to why Heavenly Father let me go through these trials, but I do know that He is always there for me. He knows what I need, and I am learning to put my faith in Him and trust in his plans for me. I truly do believe that He knows all things, and that He loves me. I know that Scott is such a blessing in my life, and that he was meant for me. Heavenly Father knew I would need him. Not only does he bring sunshine and laughter into my life, he is so incredibly good and patient with me. He has never once doubted me or called me a failure, and has constantly built me up and carried the burdens for both of us when I shut down and couldn't take it anymore. He is such a blessing to me, and I am so thankful for his Christlike patience and love that he shows to me every day.
So, there you have it. That's a short summary of what my summer has looked like-and although it has been hard, things have never been better. I love my Savior, my husband, and my life-and I can't wait to see what being a Rowan has in store for me in the future. Thanks for reading, everyone-and Happy Thursday! <3
I feel ya girl! On so many different levels. Great first blog post :)
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